JUST ANOTHER WAY TO SAY HELLO

Being trapped between shyness and anxiety is not a good thing, spend most of my time being jealous for someone with a very well communication skill, bringing positive atmosphere for people around. Kinda depressed when I accidentally compared that goddamn thing with my reality. Cold, quiet, flat.

It's suddenly happen, just like that, don't know where it comes from, different case with people who got this kind of thing by getting bully or some traumatic experience whether from family or anything else. But it does taste like that.

I can't detect where does it start and just came in to my thought, spreading like a virus, infecting my way to see people's sight about me. Infact, on the other side I believe that they would never think the way I thought of myself.

But all of the realizations are like shit, appear on the exact wrong time, when I'm alone on my room, and it always comes together with regrets.

I thought it would be alright at first, assumed that it was one of life-changing session, till some day people came to my face and declared that I'm a quiet one, and suddenly asked "is there something wrong with you?".

The day I shocked of what people say is the day I figured out that it's not a common situation. I've got the point but it just makes me weaker...

***

Hey people, welcome to this page, I hope it's worth for those who need. It's me, playing with words. Hope you will always coming back here when you accidentally read this, or every single post you've seen from this page.

Playing with words is a bit dangerous, but I don't have intention to hurt somebody or anything, I'm expressing my uncontrollable thoughts and arranging every single piece that I catch, build some kind of thing you might understand while myself don't even know exactly what it's mean.

Every single words randomly popped up, I pick those with no discrimination, whether I realized or not, and I took some minutes after wrote it out to understand exactly what I've made, and re-read because I don't believe what I've seen, and then falling love with my messy thoughts. Thank god.